We love you LifeByJen 2-18-19
Feb 18, 2019
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FzKcIDSBPGE

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you guys today has been one of those
crazy hectic multitasking Freaky Friday
Saturday Sunday days no it has really
been one of those crazy days hmm I so
today let's see where we're at today we
did an app which I have not had an app
in months months months
I tell you months sorry this thing is
like driving me nuts I tied it round I
need to show you guys how I did that
maybe I'll try and do that after here so
I did not vlog today you guys I really
did not I spend a lot of day time going
through all my clothes holy crap
when I say I have gone through my
clothes you guys I probably have like
three garbage bags full of clothes that
I'm getting rid of three I just walked
myself through watching tutorials how to
post things on Poshmark I did not know
how to do Poshmark before but I do have
a Poshmark account yeah you don't have
any clue what it is under so I will put
the link in the description below
you guys can jump on there
and I like I have got tons of toured
shirts I've got oh my gosh I have this
laundry outfit
I'm so sad actually I have to get rid of
it I never got to even wear it you guys
I've never done even wear it I bought it
for my anniversary and um yeah well
let's just say Amy Amy did outfit in it
so I went to go try it on yesterday it's
brand-new the panties still have their
tags on it this shirt doesn't not but
that's because I went to go put it on
yesterday to try it on and the tag got
stuck in and got pulled off but it's
never been worn before you can tell
totally tell it's brand new um anyway so
I'll go to put it on it and it was just
there's just no way so I was like
d'arnot but I mean I spent eighty five
dollars on that lingerie between the
underwears the panties and the shirt and
it's just no now gotta let go got to let
it down and I totally I'm like you know
I know that we have spent so much money
on these clothes but I don't want to
hang on to them because I don't want it
to be something where I'm like oh yeah
I'm gonna hold on to these because I
plan on getting back to the size yeah
like not gonna happen I'd rather go and
rebuy these clothes out of smaller size
not that that's gonna happen either but
everything that I kept were like
leggings um let's see what else
multiple colored shirts like long-sleeve
shirts and stuff but they're really
lightweight and they fit me really good
though so they're really comfortable
which is really nice but I have like I
don't even know a handful like seven
wants a 7 7 to 9 Torche shirts I want to
say and they're all size 6 I've got a
couple pairs of leggings in there one is
my mouth playin they just don't fit no
more I did save my Mickey Mouse ones but
I'm I am letting my Minnie Mouse ones go
because they do not fit
they really don't fit they are too loose
so gots to let him go um oh let's see
what I just got a little of everything
pants and leggings and a couple bra
let's that I got from torrid when
they're like a lacy kind of bra light it
they're so cute but what's the point in
keeping them like I just there's no
point
so anyways I am posting everything on my
Poshmark so if you wanted look at that
at UConn I also want to apologize for
all my yawning I did in yesterday's
video holy cow that was so embarrassing
oh my god like I don't know what
happened to me but the edit button was
not working yesterday I went to go and
usually I do go back and re-watch my
videos to just make sure that there's no
like booger hanging out my cave thanks
women our back hanging out of my cave
now that I have that one in my
vocabulary but yeah I made sure that I
don't have like that's coming out or
that you know nothing's nothing slipping
around especially like because I have s
ro that hates wearing clothes
well she'll wear shirts but in show work
her panties but nine out of ten she's no
that kid gives me a workout so hold on I
my lips are bugging me see now I can't
stand them being dry cuz then I start
picking at him but I have been doing so
good I'm not picking at him so good
uh anyways so I always go back and look
well I don't know I must have been
sleeping or something when I looked at
that part because I go to re-watch it
after I posted it and all of a sudden I
see like three it was either two or
three scenes of me completely yawning
like a big ol yeah I'm like oh I'm
like I would have to have captured that
right I would have just had to seriously
sometimes I'll do something funny like
when I'm yawning so I noticed stop like
when I'm editing I'll see it like catch
my eye and now I'm like oh that's my
yawning position but I think I did my
yawning when I was driving so there's
that I can't just like like on my will
be like so yeah that was that but I
apologize I hope I didn't make everybody
else yawn makes me yawn and yes I uh I
edited that yawn out I hope I am a very
bad Yahner I don't know why I've even
went to the doctor and asked him if he
was got medicine to give me to stop
yawning he looked at me like we have a
lot of medicines in this industry but we
do not have one for your Yanni I'm like
oh me so yeah that that's that and what
else I just I mean I just today I really
went through like I said all the clothes
which that took forever but actually now
my drawers can actually closed which is
a really nice filling um we cleaned some
more when I say we me and the kids
well they didn't really clean they more
or less kind of followed behind me and
made messes what
okay alright mama we'll be out there in
a minute okay so anywho I scrubbed up
the kitchen again I swear I feel like I
scrubbed my kitchen every day do I feel
like I'm always scrubbing my kitchen
so I clean my kitchen and then my sweet
husband before he left to go and hang
out with his friend he made dinner well
he made lunch for his friend in him and
then he made me dinner for what they
were eating for lunch I had for dinner
so have the plate but it was like a
brown rice with like these little I
don't even know what they are but
they're like a little thin thin thin
thin pasta that he mixes in it and then
he has the he made just regular meatball
type things
so I had a little bit of rice not a
bunch and then I had the well they call
it kofta so I had a little bit of that
and then I gave the kids each some of
course mr. Maya Bear is not gonna touch
it
ha ha ha no yeah
so I was like whatever and figure out
what you're gonna eat because I'm not
gonna stand in this kitchen do it you
best not make a mess so yeah that is
pretty much what we did today we really
did not do a whole why it was just a
little bit of just trying to get things
I'm really wanting to declutter that is
the biggest thing I'm trying to do is
declutter this house I am so tired of
the mess o-m-g the mess is so oh yeah
yeah it is not the funnest so amy has
been trying to go through it all and
clean it all out
and I'm just like I feel like I'm going
in circles I feel like a dog chasing his
tail trying to get through it all in it
just is not going the way I want it to
go so yes and then I have been asked
multiple times for the name of the book
that we are going over so it is called
because you are worthy 90 days of
transfer made of self-love a guided
journal faith Broussard Cade I think as
who is the author of this book just
holding it up so if you need to pause it
and write it down that's who it is
and I got it off of Amazon it was bought
for me so I could not be more thankful
for my gift because this thing has just
been a lifesaver I love this so much but
they purchased it off of author author
off of Amazon if I can find the link I
can try and drop it into the description
box and definitely that way you guys
will have that and I will try and get it
to where it shows up every single time
so you guys can just go straight into my
description box and on what I'm using
so we'll do our reading here in a minute
but uh I wanted to talk to you guys
because I've been doing a lot of excuse
me I've been watching a lot of YouTube
today I've been able to catch up on some
of my shows or mine as a shows catching
up on some of my you know my youtubers
that I watch and I usually watch them on
a daily but the last couple of days
because I have been so just trying to
catch up on my house and stuff it's been
really hard I wanted to show you guys
this really quick so I'm drinking this
was just seltzer water which honestly I
don't know what has happened but my
change of
I actually am liking the plain seltzer
water never have I like that before
but I really like it does it can't have
any taste though it can only just be
seltzer water but what I did was I did
take it tonight just so I was I bought
this to try this that's why I would I
did it um I added some of this kool-aid
zero calories to this just because I
wanted to taste it it tastes just like a
seltzer kool-aid drink but I bought it
for that but I also will buy some that
I'm just gonna lay plain cuz they're
refreshing actually I like them like
when I'm eating and stuff
I'll drink something like this because I
think it just has like a refreshing
flavor to it anyways excuse me so I was
gonna talk to you guys cuz I I follow
quite a few channels some that I've
recently started following some I've
been following for a long time and one
of these particular channels I've been
watching her for quite a while and you
know we're a lot the same person and you
know it really I I watched the video and
I think I'm gonna call this person out
because I want this person to get my
message and I know that she will because
we talk on a daily but I think that it's
an important message to talk about with
everybody because it's a great reminder
huh anyways both of my kids decided to
both you know need changing well s or
didn't mean changing but she needed help
she went to bathroom mental mark I was
in mom I need change it's like
alright let's just line y'all up put you
a lot of air belt
anyways so I was surfing around and I
haven't been able to catch up on all of
my channels that I've been watching on a
regular and so today I took a little bit
of time while just going through the
clothes and doing all that and just just
using that time to just relax and catch
up and so I started to watch my one
favorite well you guys are all my
favorites but this one particular person
me and her are so identical in so many
ways we have a lot of the same story as
a childhood a lot of the same story as
adulthood and you know we're on the same
journey and that's trying to get healthy
but also mentally we have to get healthy
too and this person is life by Jen and I
know that I have talked a lot about her
channel in the past and and now you know
I mean we collaborate a lot together I
do her merch you know we are really good
friends via Facebook and you know we're
talking on messenger all the time I mean
we have become very close as friends but
you know this message that I I'm sharing
with you guys is you know and you guys
some of you guys may not even know who
I'm talking about
but her channels brought up a lot on my
channel and I always have her does you
know her YouTube channel in my
description I always usually put it up
in my cards but anyways she was doing
her overall ending because on Sunday
night she does her overall ending of the
week video well Sunday's usually
typically Saturday Sunday so
she had a really hard week this week and
she went through some major major things
that to some may not seem like anything
to others it may throw them to a point
where it could throw them into a deep
depression suicide binging I mean it can
do so much to somebody and you know
something that she was talking about was
she never had to deal with hate in real
life you know talking like real life
we're not talking YouTube life we're
talking real life she never had to deal
with that growing up pretty much through
childhood to adulthood and that was a
lot the same with me I didn't and to
this day I don't really have a
particular time that I could truly where
I was truly bullied because of my weight
or because of my appearance my choice of
religion you know like she said I'm sure
there's people that talk behind our
backs you know and say things that you
know we don't know but for us to hear it
I've never experienced that just like
she shared that she didn't experience
that but she did experience something in
similarities of being bullied and
treating treated differently because of
her size and this just happened recently
and during that time you know because
she's on a big journey of you know
learning about you know the situations
in life and how they come about and what
can throw you into a binge and things
like that the situation that happened to
her threw her into a binge and then that
binge turned into another binge
and she was so embarrassed and ashamed
of herself and you know you could see
the pain in her eyes and the
disappointment that she gave herself and
not only that but you know she went to
some counseling and therapy and right
there if anything's gonna throw you into
a binge going through therapy could be
one of the biggest treasure triggers you
would think it wouldn't but for someone
like me with my coping mechanism being
food at the very beginning of my therapy
sessions I benched constantly because so
many hurtful painful memories were being
dug back up that I had buried so deep
that the only thing that I trusted to
cope for was my food and I would do it
and not even think about it it was just
that was what I turned to so I was
listening to her story and you know you
just see the tears rolling down her
cheeks because she was just so
frustrated and my heart breaks so bad
for Jen because and Jen I know you watch
my videos I know you're here I know
you're seeing this and this message
sweetie is to you but it's to everybody
because I think everybody needs a great
reminder sometimes that you know what
we're human
it's okay we're gonna stumble we're
gonna stub our toe we're gonna have our
days where you know what that binge
Monster is gonna come out and it's gonna
visit does it make us feel good no but
it we're so much more worthy than being
beat up and and we already beat
ourselves up so much that giving
yourself compassion and giving yourself
the permission to do what you did
that's what you need to do
you should it's so easy for us as as
benders to binge and then when you're
done you look at the Indian result which
is the empty packages because when
you're binging you don't think when you
binge there's no thought it's not like
hmm well that looks really good and that
looks really good no it doesn't work
that way it's like it's almost like you
know when a scientist has a one of those
bottles the see-through bottles and He
pours stuff into them and there's
different colors and they're bubbling
and bubbling and bubbling it's kind of
how I view like a binge like a starting
of a binge is you have your glass bottle
which is represents your your heart and
you start pouring in those painful
things that are being added and it just
starts fizzling and bubbling and before
you know it it's just bubbling over and
that's when you have just started your
binge there's no thought there's not
enough time to think about the action
that's going to be taken even if you
have to do something to make that binge
happen it's almost like you check out
and you're just you're emotionally not
there and that is how it has been with
me and and at the end of the binge you
feel so guilty you feel just disgusted
you feel like you have let yourself and
everybody that is rooting for you that
you've let everybody down
and going through my therapy and going
through my nutrition therapist I've
learned so much about giving my himself
permission that if that is what right
now is my coping mechanism isn't OK to
do yeah
it is it is okay I don't want to tell
somebody it's okay to go and binge on a
drug of choice being food but in our
situation we're going through so much so
much and you have to take steps and you
can't dive in an ocean of water with
half of your bodies still on the dock
and half in the water and by the
meanings of that is you can't jump in
and have your emotional part of your
bodies still up here in the dock and
you're you're wanting to change your
eating habits and your nutrition in the
water you can't dive in like that that
would split you apart and that would
eventually kill you which meaning
killing your spirit killing everything
about you you have to be one and whole
so before you can do that stain upon the
dock and being one whole person is more
important right now than worrying about
all this other stuff that's going on
with your eating and if you notice I
never talked about how
a diet's gonna work or you know this is
gonna work in a this is gonna work
because right now emotionally where my
focus is is within my heart it's within
my my body my brain and everything that
will come along with it
so right now you going through your
emotional your emotional storm per se
have team to go back into the past is
only gonna bring so much more forward so
not only are you worrying about all
these things coming forward and you're
dealing with all these feelings of
depression and loneliness and anger and
pain and hurt and frustration and
everything that's coming up from the
past you're then sitting here on this
level saying but I have to cut my nose
as a team but I got I can't use food I
can't use food I can't use food no no no
no no well what's gonna win what what's
gonna win the one thing that has been
your coping mechanism that's what's
gonna win and then in return you're
gonna go into the hole beating yourself
up and abusing yourself would you go and
abuse a friend of yours use me as an
example I'm suffering I'm going through
pain
walking through all the abuse that I've
had to endure as a child as to an adult
and I hit a rock I stumbled and I
benched
would you look at me and say you're
disgusting you are a failure Amy what
are you doing with yourself how could
you do this this is just ridiculous this
is so not okay is that how you would
come back to me if I was confiding in
you most likely all of your answers
would be absolutely not
you don't deserve to be told that you're
right and neither do you
you don't need to tell yourself those
things you're not worthless
you're not disgusting you didn't let
anybody down
you're not lonely you feel lonely right
now because that's where your heart has
felt look around open up the big picture
step out for a minute
pay attention there's so many people
around you so many people are around you
just like they're around me I felt so
alone I felt like I was doing this all
alone then I one day just stepped out of
my my bubble and I looked I was just
like wow I'm not alone and it's okay to
stumble sometimes it's okay to have
those moments where I have a binge it
happens I'm human it's something I'm
learning I'm a work in progress
you can't start somewhere and expect to
be here in the next day you're gonna
have moments of binging you're gonna
have moments where you fail but that's
okay
it's okay we're human that is okay we're
allowed to have that just like you would
never tell me that I'm a bad person
you deserve to not be told that you're a
bad person
you deserve to talk so compassionate to
your very own self give yourself
permission to say I am a human I am
worthy I am loved I accept every
challenge and I am doing it I am a work
in progress it's not going to happen
overnight and I will get there one day
but when that day comes I will be able
to look back and say wow look at all the
binging I did during that time that
shows me how many times I have had to
rock this boat just to get to where I am
today doesn't make you a failure because
you had a binge Jen it doesn't make you
a failure it makes you stronger because
it shows you that now
you're starting to know what is going on
you were aware that the binge was gonna
happen could you stop it you couldn't
and that's okay that's where you're
gonna learn your tools that's where
you're gonna come up and say oh my gosh
Wow now I've got the tools when I want
to go into a binge where's my toolbox
what do I need to pull out to help
myself get through these emotions so
that I don't use food but right now your
work in progress just like all of us I'm
at the point now I can successfully say
I have not benched in six months six
months I am not benched but you know
what before that six months I benched
quite a few times quite a few times but
it was building those tools in my
toolbox
to where now when I really feel like
I've got a binge coming on or it's what
I feel like I need to turn to I can
reach into my toolbox and say okay you
know what no I don't need to binge I'm
okay touch my heart I'm here I'm present
I know what's around me I know what's
going on let's find something to do
other than that binge but right now
you're not in that position and there's
some of you out there that aren't some
of you maybe are but for the ones that
are at that position that's our job to
be here to continue to support you and
tell you and uplift you and say it's
okay you have permission to binge you
have the permission to be a human you're
going through a lot life is not fair
life is not easy we won't put on this
planet with a roll book we're going
through this life every day learning
something different learning something
different about ourselves
give yourself some slack and give
yourself some compassion
I don't want to see my friend hurting I
don't want to see her hurting because
she's hurting herself stop it
you're not allowed to tell my friend
she's not worthy you're not allowed to
tell my friend that she is not capable
of making it through this entire journey
stop it
you're not allowed I will protect my
friend because my friend is worth it
she's worthy and she's loved and she's
got many many many friends behind her
along with so many beautiful people that
are on this journey along with all of us
I love you and I love each and every one
of you guys we're all in this together
we're all holding each other up we're
all encouraging each other supporting
each other and every one of us will make
it on our times when we're supposed to
some might make it sooner than others
and that's okay we're not on a table of
who's gonna get there first
that's not that that's not what we're
here for what we're here for is just to
lift each other up and remind each other
everyday that you are my friends you're
our friends we all love each other and
we're all here for each other and that
message just really weighed heavy on me
tonight
I cried watching the video because I
just see myself in you from what I see
in just six months ago you will get
there you all will get there I will get
there when our time is right but we are
all our own wha-hoo work in progress
we're all doing this on different levels
some have more abuse than others some
didn't have any abuse at all and still
has a you know a journey of itself with
food it doesn't take abuse to have an
issue with food that's for sure that is
for real sure but everybody is in their
own journeys and we're all here to
support each other
and that's what I'm gonna do with you
and with all of you because you're all
amazing and you all mean so much to me
let's get into our books really quick so
that we can close our night I heard my
honey-bunny come home okay
so we are on January 18th don't deny
yourself the rest you need because it
looks like everyone else is hustling all
day every day give your body the rest it
deserves or it will begin making demands
let's read that again don't deny
yourself the rest you need because it
looks like everyone else is hustling all
day every day give your body the rested
deserves or it will begin making demands
so very true and that's why I said today
I was so proud that I was able to lay
down and take a couple hour nap I never
take naps during the day and you know
what I needed it I physically physically
needed a nap
and I did I I laid down and I was out
for a couple hours and then when I got
up it was like boom ha ha ha that's
clean and that's what we did so anyways
I am in a close here you guys but
remember I am posting things up on my
Poshmark I've got things on my
Marketplace I can ship it just will be a
little bit to ship you know because I
don't know exactly how much where is
that but I can definitely do shipping um
what else what else don't forget the
merch lines for life by gin and pink
fairy there link down below also don't
forget instagram under ami ramadan i
went and looked because i forgot to put
my tab up here
ami ramadan on instagram go in and shoot
me some questions and I will answer them
on YouTube for you all
and I think that is it tomorrow I have
my counseling and then after that I have
my doctor's appointment so I will get
you guys updated on that as soon as I
find out everything going on but until
then you guys I hope you had a wonderful
wonderful Sunday and I will check in
with you guys tomorrow
freshly bright and shiny in the morning
until then sweet dreams you guys bye bye
